by Rev Dr. David Lim
Why do so few of us talk about sex, even among our own families? Why have we forfeited the stage to the devil who has degraded sex and brought down what is high, pure, and holy into the gutter? Why have we not realized there is spiritual warfare and we have ceded ground to the devil in an area that has broken so many lives and families? Is it because the subject is too personal and Asians are too conservative? The authors of the Bible weren't afraid to talk about sex.
Sex within marriage demands total commitment from both parties to share a life together. In Genesis 4:1, Adam knew Eve and they bore a child (intimate full knowing - body, soul, and spirit). It takes time and effort to communicate fully and unreservedly.
Sex involves intimacy (Genesis 2:23-25). A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Paul uses this passage in Ephesians 5:30-31 to show how the sexual relationship in marriage reflects the intimate relationship between Christ and the Church. Sex within marriage is thus an act to glorify God and the greatest truth of the universe - that God loves you!
Sex involves forgiveness and redemption (Genesis 3:20). After the sin of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, Adam may have sought to blame Eve for it all as he did in Genesis 3:12, but upon knowing that God would turn this terrible sin around for His glory, and that the Messiah would come through Eve, Adam declared her name to be Eve because she would become the mother of all the living. In Genesis 4:1, Abel was born.
Sex within marriage involves worship (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We have long misapplied this verse on our bodies as the temple of God. For this reason, many of us have declared we should not smoke, over-indulge in alcohol, take drugs or otherwise hurt our bodies. The reality is this verse has been taken out of context. This was written to those who worshipped Aphrodite, the goddess of fertility. 1,000 prostitutes plied the streets of Corinth nightly as part of their worship to Aphrodite, as they believed that they would be attached in spirit to their goddess if they could seduce men into having sex with them. In their view, they were glorifying their goddess with their bodies. This is why Paul declared that Christians should "Honor God with your body." In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul continues to say that husbands and wives must meet one another's sexual needs - that is how we honor God with our bodies! Dr. Richard Dobbins, an Assemblies of God psychologist, urges couples to praise the Lord while they are making love, thanking God for the spouse God has given them. Psychologists will tell you that the same biophysical mechanisms that are used in worship are the same ones that are used in the act of sex within marriage. Sex is sacred, beautiful and holy. Yet people make light of it to be a selfish act of enjoyment that breaks the sacredness of marriage.
Sex with your spouse also expresses grace (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). The husband is to fulfil his marital duty to the wife and the wife to the husband. Sex within marriage isn't built on whether we deserve it or have achieved something. It is built on love, unselfishness, seeking to fulfil your partner. It is ministry to your spouse's inner being! It tells them they are accepted. It brings healing in times of stress. It sends the message to your spouse that they are valued.
Sex is built on covenant and commitment (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). It is marital duty. It shows that you belong to each other. Marriage is not a contract - it is a sacred covenant.
Sex guards against temptations (1 Corinthians 7:5). Paul warns of satan's temptations when spouses do not meet each other's needs. The only reason Paul gives for withholding ourselves from our spouse is if we are in fasting and prayer! That is why I say, argue about anything - in-laws, money, decisions, but don't argue about sex in your marriage. That brings feelings of rejection and deprivation. It causes wandering eyes. This is a spiritual battle, and an era satan will use to attack marriages.
Sex also frees the married couple to serve God (1 Corinthians 7:9). Paul's guiding principle in 1 Cortinthians 7 is the need for less distraction. Singles who are dating should marry if their sexual drive is strong - it is better to marry than to burn with passion. When a couple ministers to each other in this way they can then move on to other areas of services to God.
Sex also offers a covering for the family (1 Corinthians 7:14). In this verse Paul talks about how a committed marriage relationship (even though one spouse may not be a believer!) provides sanctification, a covering for children. When children know their parents love each other they can grow up in security.
Most importantly, it is eros redeemed by agape. Anders Nygren amd Marcus Barth discuss different Greek words for love. Agape refers to divine, unconditional, sacrificial and purposeful love, while eros refers to physical sensual love. The devil has dragged eros into the mud. Thus we use words like "erotic" to refer to acts of love that are filthy and sinful. But in Christ's agape love, eros has been redeemed. We are free to enjoy the fullness of physical, sensual love - for the glory of God!
To singles, you have great things to look forward to as you anticipate marriage. I urge you to dedicate your mind and heart to serving God. Be open to healthy relationships! I pray often for God to give you wisdom and strength.
Awesome!
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